hauntedgenre
A Little Haunted
Posts: 35
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« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2011, 01:33:07 PM » |
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Review from 10/8/2011 visit:
WOT is Huge and just doesn't stop! There are over fifteen haunted attractions and it takes over an hour to through.
WOT has it right. From the beginning, they discombobulated us and we just never got our senses back until we got to Spookywoods and were bored back to reality. The first trick at WOT is that there are 2 lines to get started – but they do a great job with crowd control – handing you a playing card so you know when to get in line. It's just tricky because we were ready to go, but it was just another line. They could have been more entertaining during that waiting. Back to that first haunted house: it's disorienting! It's also tricky because it looks like it's going to be a reptile house, but that's just them faking you out! There's a big ass balloon thing we had to squeeze through, but only after letting the even scarier tweens go through ahead of us lest we be molested or trampled by their inability to understand boundaries. Well, once we got through the head to toe balloon using all of our muscles it got worse! WOT is ballsy enough to go for Total Blackout! I mean, no glow in the dark Anything – just pure black maze! Thank God my girlfriend totally freaked, cheated, and lit up her cell, which also created ease for the bumpy tweens so that we could get moving just a little bit. (I know! I know! We're gonna have to go back just to get properly, mental illness creating scared.) So, the cell phone cheating aside, we continued through the first house maze that had us squatting Twice for good periods of time with twists and turns. It was flat out jarring! And it was just the Real beginning!
Next, was the corn maze, which really could use some more corn stalks. But here's where I was surprised: I couldn't hear the actors coming for me – so they Got me! Next, there were two school buses ala Jeepers Creepers where some tiny waif of a chick who I swear materialized from the unknown with the sole purpose of scaring me back into the folds of Jesus of the South got me talking in tongues!
Then, there was 3D! Now, I hail from the great state of Texas and have been properly imbued with all the inappropriate and disproportionate pride, but when I was getting growed up we didn't have 3D. And so my girlfriend made sure that I got my glasses on real proper so that my curly hair didn't push them off. Well! Well! I didn't need no acid no more! It was great and a total feast for my eyes & senses, the only thing they could have done to make it better was have their actors costumes match the 3D itself – it was too easy to spot the actors – but it was a blast! And it lasted for two houses, partial outdoors, and a spinning tunnel! There's no foreplay or little blue pill at TOW – it's the real deal!
And then there was garage band rock, which wasn't very scary in the beginning, but was loud, overwhelming, and fun. I thought it would be over before I experienced my new foreign, God-talking language welling in my gut again, but then another chick started banging the fences with her magickal wand that created sparks so huge I thought she would instantly re-perm my luscious locks And another rocker came out of nowhere to jar me! Imagine being attacked at your hairdressers! I don't think that was the effect they set out to create, but I wonder if that's where Morrissey was inspired to pen Hairdresser on Fire – always a crowd pleaser!
Anyway, there was some odd vampire house which seemed more like its existence was to provide relief from being so f-ing jarred! I know the reviews maul this house, which is deserving of mauling, but it also had this great mirror effect for the actors, which will get you. And since I have a dirty mind, the menage a trois room was particularly stimulating!
Hollywood! So my partner and I are in our 30s, together we are a Juris Doctorate and PhD Candidate, we love to travel for fun, and are soulmates for the heart-fusing reason of Halloween being our Favorite holiday! We watch horror movies non-stop starting in September until Halloween and then patiently wait all year, anticipation building until the next September. One year, we'll enter August! Anyway, we carve pumpkins, dress up the house in purple lights, and even get costumes for our three dogs. So when we were able to walk through house after house of our favorite Halloween movies, we nearly made a baby! There was Saw, Michael Myers, Jason, Freddie, and you know it: the Texas Chainsaw Massacre! All the best are there! And there are full scenes dedicated to Each one!!!!
Then there are pirates and their breath stinks and they're hard to understand what with all that rum swilling. And here's some more freakyfreaky: there's this other maze (right? Cuz ALL the houses are mazes and by the thirteenth maze your honing beacon, like a Garmen that loses signal in the middle of a city, is just more of a hassle (because you remember the comforting warmth of the good ol' days)) and it's a tall fence that gets narrow and then turns sharply in its narrowness and there weren't Any actors. There were plenty of places to insert actors and maybe the economy has hit their ability to hire more goth kids and make them happy for a season, but it's okay because I was once something of a dark kid and to this day all of life coaches tell me that I can 'go dark' at times (which just means that I bask in the dark treacherous places of my soul making me a perfect 4 on the enneagram), and my own horror-movie loving mind filled in the gaps! Now, being freaked out by your mind is usually something that therapists get paid to do to you, but some slates of wood did it to me!
I don't even remember the end of it so my girlfriend filled me in. Oh, there were medics! I remember medics! Not for me silly! It was a section, and my girl states that there wasn't anything scary in particular, but that there was a good actor with great timing and he got me good. As she tells it, “You jumped, you literally jumped up and shivers ran through your body twice.” Of course, I don't really remember that, but here it is – the next morning and I'm begging for massages because I drove us back home (after releasing my anger over non-spookywoods) with my shoulders even with my ears believing that medics were after me. I'm 32 and I walked out of Woods of Terror trembling.
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